What I do to help you prepare an appropriate funeral service
What people are saying
IntroductionYou are about to write the last chapter in the story of someone who was a part of your life. How that story is told, in part at least, is going to be determined by you and your family. You can rely on my experience to help you. Let’s, together, make this the most memorable chapter of all, and let it be a meaningful legacy to the memory of person who you are farewelling.
Service StylesIn Australia, formal funeral services have, in the main, been replaced by what has become known as a celebration of life service. Whereas, in the past, it was normal to see men among the mourners wearing dark suits and ties and woman wore dresses and hats, now we see few suits, and most mourners wear casual clothes. Most families ask me to tailor a celebration of life service, but, occasionally, I receive requests for a very formal style of funeral. I am able to adapt to whatever you prefer.
Service TypesApart from time constraints and legal considerations, there are no rules. While the funeral director will guide you as to what is the best type of service, there are many places you might like to celebrate the life of your family member’s or friend’s life – and that might include two locations. Dual location services are common for religious funerals where a church service is held first, followed by a burial service. Some denominations will hold a burial service first and then go to a church for the memorial and religious component.
For burials, we might have a service in a cemetery chapel and then move to the graveside for the interment and committal. This is a good option for burials if the family want to have longer eulogies, and photographic and video presentations. Generally, at burials, seating is limited, so it is better to avoid forcing mourners to stand for a long time, especially in extreme weather—which is unpredictable at times.
We sometimes hold services at sporting clubs, especially when the club was a significant part of the person’s life. Often in these cases, the members join with family to form a guard-of-honour for the hearse to drive through as it leaves.
Most funeral directors have their own chapels, which vary in size and presentation. Be careful not to agree to a service at the funeral home chapel if it is likely to be too small for the number of mourners likely to attend. This consideration is also applicable when using the chapel at your preferred cemetery. A guide of the chapel capacities for Metropolitan Cemeteries Board, and some regional boards is available here, but check with your funeral director as some restrictions might apply from time to time. For larger services, consider hiring a municipal hall, if one is available in your location.
The first stepI will come to your home, or meet at a place suited to you, and take as much time as is necessary to listen to the story of the person whose life you are celebrating. You and other family members and close friends are part of the story, so I like to listen to what you can tell me, and I might ask questions to help me build the story with you, so that we can present the story in the most appropriate way.
Of course, some stories include tragedies – indeed, often the circumstances of the person’s death, itself, is a tragedy. Depending on your wishes, the tragedy may form part of the story, or it might be something you prefer to avoid, or just touch on. My experience includes celebrating the lives of people who have lived long, happy lives to those whose lives were short and difficult—in every case with sensitivity and care.
What you need to considerThe celebration of life service includes different elements which can be included depending on your wishes, but always in consideration of the time available. It helps if you have considered some things before I meet with you, but I will help you if you are not sure. Some options to consider: o Acknowledging family members by name (not always appropriate)o Music and when it is to be played or performedo Eulogies and tributes – who will prepare these and who will present themo Poems where desiredo Photographic and video presentationso Prayers and readings where appropriateo Involvement of children o Live presentations such as songs and music tributeso Reflection tributes o Committal preferenceso Military involvement (flag folding, bugler and so on)o Invitations to wakes and remembrance celebrations
Stage twoAfter meeting with you, I will then prepare a draft script for the service. Generally, the script will be presented verbatim, but I leave scope to adlib where appropriate, such as commending an exceptional eulogy, or presentation. A will email this to the person you nominate to receive the script and ask for you to check it for accuracy and its appropriateness. A revised script will be sent to you and a copy will be sent to the funeral director so they can follow the script to cue music and so on.
On the dayOn the day of the service, I will meet with the nominated family member to check the final details. This will include meeting people who will present eulogies and other tributes, so that they know what to expect and when to come forward. It helps if all people involved can be at the venue twenty minutes before the scheduled start time. Fees and PaymentsGenerally I invoice your funeral director who will detail my fee for service in their Tax Invoice to you. Options exist for you to pay me directly if the funeral home does not invoice you for my services for any reason.
Service StylesIn Australia, formal funeral services have, in the main, been replaced by what has become known as a celebration of life service. Whereas, in the past, it was normal to see men among the mourners wearing dark suits and ties and woman wore dresses and hats, now we see few suits, and most mourners wear casual clothes. Most families ask me to tailor a celebration of life service, but, occasionally, I receive requests for a very formal style of funeral. I am able to adapt to whatever you prefer.
Service TypesApart from time constraints and legal considerations, there are no rules. While the funeral director will guide you as to what is the best type of service, there are many places you might like to celebrate the life of your family member’s or friend’s life – and that might include two locations. Dual location services are common for religious funerals where a church service is held first, followed by a burial service. Some denominations will hold a burial service first and then go to a church for the memorial and religious component.
For burials, we might have a service in a cemetery chapel and then move to the graveside for the interment and committal. This is a good option for burials if the family want to have longer eulogies, and photographic and video presentations. Generally, at burials, seating is limited, so it is better to avoid forcing mourners to stand for a long time, especially in extreme weather—which is unpredictable at times.
We sometimes hold services at sporting clubs, especially when the club was a significant part of the person’s life. Often in these cases, the members join with family to form a guard-of-honour for the hearse to drive through as it leaves.
Most funeral directors have their own chapels, which vary in size and presentation. Be careful not to agree to a service at the funeral home chapel if it is likely to be too small for the number of mourners likely to attend. This consideration is also applicable when using the chapel at your preferred cemetery. A guide of the chapel capacities for Metropolitan Cemeteries Board, and some regional boards is available here, but check with your funeral director as some restrictions might apply from time to time. For larger services, consider hiring a municipal hall, if one is available in your location.
The first stepI will come to your home, or meet at a place suited to you, and take as much time as is necessary to listen to the story of the person whose life you are celebrating. You and other family members and close friends are part of the story, so I like to listen to what you can tell me, and I might ask questions to help me build the story with you, so that we can present the story in the most appropriate way.
Of course, some stories include tragedies – indeed, often the circumstances of the person’s death, itself, is a tragedy. Depending on your wishes, the tragedy may form part of the story, or it might be something you prefer to avoid, or just touch on. My experience includes celebrating the lives of people who have lived long, happy lives to those whose lives were short and difficult—in every case with sensitivity and care.
What you need to considerThe celebration of life service includes different elements which can be included depending on your wishes, but always in consideration of the time available. It helps if you have considered some things before I meet with you, but I will help you if you are not sure. Some options to consider: o Acknowledging family members by name (not always appropriate)o Music and when it is to be played or performedo Eulogies and tributes – who will prepare these and who will present themo Poems where desiredo Photographic and video presentationso Prayers and readings where appropriateo Involvement of children o Live presentations such as songs and music tributeso Reflection tributes o Committal preferenceso Military involvement (flag folding, bugler and so on)o Invitations to wakes and remembrance celebrations
Stage twoAfter meeting with you, I will then prepare a draft script for the service. Generally, the script will be presented verbatim, but I leave scope to adlib where appropriate, such as commending an exceptional eulogy, or presentation. A will email this to the person you nominate to receive the script and ask for you to check it for accuracy and its appropriateness. A revised script will be sent to you and a copy will be sent to the funeral director so they can follow the script to cue music and so on.
On the dayOn the day of the service, I will meet with the nominated family member to check the final details. This will include meeting people who will present eulogies and other tributes, so that they know what to expect and when to come forward. It helps if all people involved can be at the venue twenty minutes before the scheduled start time. Fees and PaymentsGenerally I invoice your funeral director who will detail my fee for service in their Tax Invoice to you. Options exist for you to pay me directly if the funeral home does not invoice you for my services for any reason.
Here's some of the feedback I have received....
It is my pleasure to write this reference for Mr Patrick Grogan.
I have known Patrick for the last three years, in my role as Arranger / Conductor, here at Hetherington Funerals, Perth.
I had no hesitation in recommending Patrick as a Celebrant, to the families I was assisting, knowing he would fulfil their wishes in celebrating the life of their loved ones. During my career in the Funeral Industry, both here in Perth, and over East, I would rate Patrick as the best Celebrant I have called on, to assist my families in their time of sadness. I have always found that he had an honest and caring approach, from the initial meeting with the family, and with his delivery on the day of the service. I received a lot of feedback from families, thanking me for recommending Patrick to them. I was very sad to hear that Patrick and his wife were moving to Albany. I have no hesitation in recommending him to you, in the role as a Funeral Celebrant. Please do not hesitate to contact me, if you require any further information. Kind regards, Martin Slack | Funeral Director
I have known Patrick for the last three years, in my role as Arranger / Conductor, here at Hetherington Funerals, Perth.
I had no hesitation in recommending Patrick as a Celebrant, to the families I was assisting, knowing he would fulfil their wishes in celebrating the life of their loved ones. During my career in the Funeral Industry, both here in Perth, and over East, I would rate Patrick as the best Celebrant I have called on, to assist my families in their time of sadness. I have always found that he had an honest and caring approach, from the initial meeting with the family, and with his delivery on the day of the service. I received a lot of feedback from families, thanking me for recommending Patrick to them. I was very sad to hear that Patrick and his wife were moving to Albany. I have no hesitation in recommending him to you, in the role as a Funeral Celebrant. Please do not hesitate to contact me, if you require any further information. Kind regards, Martin Slack | Funeral Director
As a Funeral Director, I worked with Patrick on numerous occasions between 2013 and 2016 (after which I changed roles).
I found him easy to work with, and he presented a compassionate, thoughtful and well-prepared service with a natural, but dignified delivery.
Feedback from my families was always positive.
I commend Patrick to you - he will serve your families well.
Kind regards,
Alex Huggett Funeral Celebrant
I found him easy to work with, and he presented a compassionate, thoughtful and well-prepared service with a natural, but dignified delivery.
Feedback from my families was always positive.
I commend Patrick to you - he will serve your families well.
Kind regards,
Alex Huggett Funeral Celebrant
Hi Patrick,
Thanks for the lovely service you delivered today, it did our mother proud. We had lots of compliments made by family and friends.
Wishing you all the very best for your new life down in Albany
Ken and J
Thanks for the lovely service you delivered today, it did our mother proud. We had lots of compliments made by family and friends.
Wishing you all the very best for your new life down in Albany
Ken and J
Hi Patrick,
I know this seems totally random, but I wanted to share this photo (gravesite memorial) with you, as you were such a big part of Allan’s special day. I want you to know I valued what you did and said in that day.
Sian J
I know this seems totally random, but I wanted to share this photo (gravesite memorial) with you, as you were such a big part of Allan’s special day. I want you to know I valued what you did and said in that day.
Sian J
Hi Patrick,
Thanks for the great service today.
Kind regards,Helen, Jim, Jean and William S
Thanks for the great service today.
Kind regards,Helen, Jim, Jean and William S
HI Patrick
I just wanted to say a quick thank you once again for all your help with Dad’s service.I have had soo many people comment on how beautiful it was.I certainly have no problems recommending you to family and friends that may need your services in the future.
Thank you once again and take careLeanne
I just wanted to say a quick thank you once again for all your help with Dad’s service.I have had soo many people comment on how beautiful it was.I certainly have no problems recommending you to family and friends that may need your services in the future.
Thank you once again and take careLeanne
Dear Patrick
It was nice to meet you in person on Friday.
On behalf of Gavin and myself, we would like to thank you for conducting a lovely service for Uncle Andy on the 7th June 2024.
Thanks, too, for making our distance communication so smooth. I understand that phone calls and emails are not the easiest methods of communication when it comes to these occasions.
Your words were appreciated by everyone present, and you did a wonderful job of delivering the eulogy.
I was touched when you asked about Georgie (the long-billed corella) and that you understand what it's like to have a cockatoo (pink and grey). Andy would've appreciated that.
Thanks again for your help, support and earnest delivery at a beautiful send-off for Uncle Andy.
Kind regards,
Gavin and Karen
It was nice to meet you in person on Friday.
On behalf of Gavin and myself, we would like to thank you for conducting a lovely service for Uncle Andy on the 7th June 2024.
Thanks, too, for making our distance communication so smooth. I understand that phone calls and emails are not the easiest methods of communication when it comes to these occasions.
Your words were appreciated by everyone present, and you did a wonderful job of delivering the eulogy.
I was touched when you asked about Georgie (the long-billed corella) and that you understand what it's like to have a cockatoo (pink and grey). Andy would've appreciated that.
Thanks again for your help, support and earnest delivery at a beautiful send-off for Uncle Andy.
Kind regards,
Gavin and Karen